Category Archives: The XLogues…

The Manilogues – I

Posted on by caniwrite
4

Epilogue

Dekha hai pehli baar man in the box

where were you roobaroo

And so the tone was set for the first leg of our Manila trip as part of the International immersion module for our batch. A motley crew of around 40, after battling it out for over two weeks with a barrage of classes, quizzes, night outs, and even the guilt of nonchalance, was all set to let their hair down on our first leg from Jamshedpur to Kolkata Airport, en route to the pristine beaches of Manila and AIM. Half of this crew was the “Taiwanese” junta, who were going to Fujen University, Taiwan.

By the way, they lovingly call themselves “Taiwan ke haiwan”. Very cliched and tacky no? Of course, we were not to be left behind in the tackiness game and our punchline has been “Manila mein raslila”. There are other versions too.

  • “Manila mein ghatshila”
  • “Yenla Manila” – This is the Kannada offshoot.
  • “Man illa. Only Woman”.

Nice no? Ok, the last three were my inventions, but am sure they are infinitely better than the raslila thingy!! Hmpff!

Prologue

So, back to the trip. It all started with a voting system that happened in the 1st term where we had to put in our choices for the country and university we wanted to go to. In fact, a big takeaway from the perspective of management education, per se, has been the capability with which we, as techno-managers are able to think outside the box, manage conflicts within disparate groups, get in best of the breed solutions without creating dissonance and ultimately norm ourselves towards a consensus, getting a buy in from all parties concerned.

To cut a long story short. Google polls. I probably have not participated in as many polls as I have after coming to do an MBA. Consensus building, they say.

Note the sarcastic take on management jargon? Eh? Time for a pause with a gloating smile here, pliss.

By the way, me thinks there is too much sarcasm for MBA education in my posts. Do you think so too? I think I need to do a poll on this. Hmmm.

Prologue again

Anyways, as I was saying. We had a poll on which universities we wanted. Now, “want” is an overestimated word in here. Some got the university and place of their choice. Some got the place and not the university. Some got the university and not the place. Some got tired of this and opted out of this choosing to go back home. And some just did not care. The last segment (Jargon alert!) would have gone to TIM, for all they cared,  if it was close to their hometowns. Or better, if there was a virtual International Immersion Module!

TIM – Timbuctoo Institute of Management. Flagship Program is their 1-month International EGMBA where the focus is on Timbuctoo’s burgeoning tourism industry which has grown by leaps and bounds just because everyone goes to this place when you do not have anywhere else to go. Good program, I must say.

Anyways, so finally the score looked something like this :

6 universities, 4 Countries, ~ 115 casualties, and 23 of them to Manila (Asia Institute of Management, Makati City).

I am one of the 23. Hence the title of the post. If you didn’t get it by now, you probably went to one of the other three places. Or just do not get what “play on words” is. Or you do not visit my blog often. Or you are an MBA with no sense of humor (sarcasm alert!!).

Anyways, a few emails later, a poll on who would be the team leader and a lot of emails hence on how to get ourselves transported to Kolkata without getting our asses kicked by the Maoist fellas, a bus was booked. And nope. No redbus, no yaatra.com and none of those “<dash><your><mine><his><and what not>trip” websites catering to provide buses between Jamshedpur and kolkata. It is the good ol’ “call up the travels, haggle on the price and book a bus” MO that works here. Hence, post a lot of debate on whether we should take a volvo or not, we ended up with a non-volvo.

That’s ’cause he did not have a volvo. He had a “Pahari Maa”. The name of the luxury bus, i.e.

And that is how, we ended up with a mish mash of the “tones” I mentioned earlier.

By the way, that was an indication of how I was listening to songs that were playing in the iPod shuffle I was using and the music system in the bus. And believe it or not, there was this mish mash through out. Except when we stopped the bus to pee.

Epilogue?

So, post a not-so-eventful bus trip we reached the Kolkata Airport well within time for check-in. After a not-so-eventful wait for the flight and a not-so-eventful boarding (of course, discounting the pretty Singapore Airlines hostesses) at 11:30 PM, we and the flight were set for the long trip to Manila. Again, except some nice turbulence, 2 really nice scotch-on-the-rocks for me, and 3 really nice conversations with a pretty air-hostess that seemed to last for hours (she came quite a few times to my seat actually, asking me if I had the belt on, if I needed a drink, and if I wanted some food…ah. The caring) , the not-so-eventful flight reached Singapore at an ungodly hour of around 3:30 AM. I think it was pretty much of a “walk in a hangover” for me, as I do not remember much of what I saw loitering around in the airport. Also, I think I am was am was in love with the air hostess. What was her name, dammit?

A not-so-eventful 4 , 3 hour wait later, the sleepy 23 boarded the Singapore Airlines flight to Manila. With a new set of prettier air hostesses waiting for me us. This time I had to sleep. I mean, on my seat. Alone, i.e. Ahem. Remember I was sleepy?

Ok. It’s over

And 3 hours later, we reached Manila. Philippines. Where else? A not-so-eventful 5 wait later, we met our AIM representatives, Frenzy and Chick. No, he was not in a frenzy. And she is very nice.

Post getting to know whether they were faculty (I think Koschan Nair has resurfaced!), we set out for the AIM Conference Center, at Makati City where we were to be put up.

A nice cup of hot tea, some Filipino biscuits, a quick tour of the institute by “Frick”, a hot, warm bath, an orientation to the 3 weeks of stay on what we would be doing, and with Juan on our heels, we were all set to immerse ourselves internationally in Manila!

P.S : As a first step to that, we got a crate of you-know-what. Just to immerse ourselves.

P.P.S : I have read Law. I will not be thrown out if I do not mention you-know-what….I guess?


Whatitees guide: Anatomy of a B-schooler

Posted on by caniwrite
13

I am thinking I’ll turn it into a brand. Of the top of my head, it could be the next BIG thing on TED.  I could probably make educational videos of all the wisdom and knowledge I have been doling out and make money out of it. Or I could hold talks ; I could write books; I could make business models out of it. Probably give it a fancy name too – “The Risky Forces” model or something. And then I could sell it to management schools!  Phew! My head is spinning with excitement!

Yeah, I know you are confused. It is alright. Most people who come to this blog are one of those. And the ones who come repeatedly are, well, more confused.

I am referring to the Whatitees Guide series. I call it the series, because this is the second of the lot. The first one was about how you have 17 simple ways to get a date. If you have read that, chances are you probably are not coming back to this blog. But since I am on the way to becoming an MBA, and I have studied marketing, I know that the customer is a moron. And hence, I am counting on you coming back to this blog. There. I think I lost another one of my readership. Sigh. Nobody takes a joke seriously these days!

So, continuing with the “Whatitees Guide” series, I will be taking a wild leap into the dark and dinghy world of the B-school and it’s inhabitants. Yes, the B-schoolers. The “overhyped-doesnt-know-jackass-but-can-talk-crap-and-thinks-he-deserves-the-fat-pay” types. Yes, your average Joe who cracks an entrance exam, impresses the hell out of the interview panel with phrases such as ” leveraging domain knowledge”, “create value to society” and “peer learning”,  gets an admit and then finally switches over to consulting because that’s the in-thing to do!

Alright. You get the drift.

But I think I run the risk of trivializing the conundrum that is the MBA. And hence, the B-schooler. I guess it is not that simple. And in the transition from the Average Joe (Read: A 2-bit technical/sales guy) to the Above-Average Joe (Read: A costly technical/sales guy, a.k.a, 20 lakhs P.A paycheck), Joe transcends through several forms of the B-schooler. And you do not need to read through countless volumes of HBR articles on human behavior to see these forms. They are right in front of your eyes  - in the classroom!

I submit to you – The Whatitees guide to the Anatomy of a B-schooler!

From the eyes of another B-schooler, who runs the risk of falling in one of these categories very soon!

THE ROCK BANDS – They are everywhere. In every break of the game, inside the classroom, outside of it, in the canteen and even when you are drunk! They hunt their preys mostly alone, and many of them actually hunt on each other without knowing that they are of the same ilk. And then snigger about them on their backside! But they are the rock bands; the one’s who give you the highs and lows of being in a classroom! Here’s a smattering -

The Long-winders

They are also known as the “Disclaimers Gang”. Usually, their questions or comments start with phrases such as ” Sir, I am not quite sure I have understood fully, but just to avoid any conflict or debate on this issue, in my humble opinion…”…..get on with the question, dude! Zzzzzzzz!

The Insighters

They are the cool dudes! The one’s who use long sentences, and cool words/phrases such as “perspective”, “paradigm change” and “core competencies” anywhere and everywhere! Just like that. Sometimes they are full of wisdom and at other times, full of s**t. But they dole out either with equal gusto and passion!

The Last Minuters

These are the rock stars. Who care a rat’s ass what the professor just said, about the class being over and that he would discuss the Porter’s Model in the next session. They just need to get that bug (Read : The question) out of their backsides which more often than not, becomes a bug in the backsides of the rest of the classroom too.

THE STARS – They are everywhere too. But they are implicit. They are subtle. You would easily mistake them for a common B-schooler. But you’d be terribly mistaken. They are the backbone of the Rock Bands. You know that ” You look good, so we look good” phrase right? Yeah, without the Stars we cannot have the Rock Bands!

Koschan Nair

He is the quintessential B-schooler. You’d probably be thrown off-track by the Malayali surname, but he is the Clint Eastwood of the classroom -  Kozhikode, Kovalam and 2 smoking Coconuts! Et al.

The “shoot first, think later” guy who considers asking questions as a major ingredient in deriving the ROI he so diligently calculated while applying for an MBA. He probably has never heard the phrase “an intelligent question” and thinks it is a non-existent entity. He is the one who raises his hands to ask a question first thing in the class, when the professor says a “good morning”! Or so you think. Maybe he had his hand raised all the time. And he just does not know that. And neither did you!

Koschan “Allota” Nair

A close relative of Mr.Koschan Nayar. Some might say a brother. A close one at that. He is also known as “Allota”. It is not a reference to any accessories he might be carrying for his early morning ablutions. But you’d know why he is called “Allota” if you saw him in class.

He is the “shoot first, keep shooting, will think later if I get the time” kind of a guy who considers questions as THE ROI he had calculated earlier! ”Follow up” is second nature to him. His alter ego. Or maybe the schizophrenic dual personality the interview panel never had the time to identify because they were busy answering his questions!

Maikelaal Partha

He is the dude. He comes out with amazing phrases such as “repeatability and reproducibility of strategy”, worthy of being published in a paper and maybe being quoted by the professor in another class! He does not flinch from coming out with his own trademark “insights” and very often runs the risk of overrunning all the band members of “The Insighters”.  He is the next MBA Guru (after you-know-who), the hardcore Financial wiz, and the Strategist – all rolled into one potent combination!

Claus Partha Seshan

As the name suggests, he is probably of Indo-German origin. With a distinct South Indian touch I might add. As a South Indian, I can say this with adequate amount of confidence, that we, by dint of not finishing our lunch/dinner without curd rice, are quite inquisitive by nature. We get our curious genes from there. And if curd or curd rice is not available, rest assured, you shall be riddled with doubts, questions and comments of an incessant nature!

“Aavtar” Claus Partha Seshan

He is a close Indian relative to Claus Partha Seshan. For some curious and yet obvious reason, his middle name is actually the first. He of course does not bother about curd rice for lunch. All he wants to do is catch up with the professor when he wishes to have a quiet smoke and a tea by the tree, and talk to him about why Accounting cannot be neither art nor science. He is the evolved avtar of his mellowed down brother.

Well, I guess I have pretty much summed up the B-schooler. It is really amazing how this anatomy has not seen any change over the years. Even when my brother did his MBA from another premier B-school, he had similar characters there as well. And 10 years down, we see the lineage being carried over generations.

However, on a more serious note, these are also the stars who come out with the most innovative and insightful solutions to the most difficult problems. And that is an ode to the quirkiness that they demonstrate. It is what makes them unique. And hence a part of the elite B-schools they are in.

In some circles here, I am already a part of “The Disclaimers” band and let me justify that by saying that all the characters above are totally real with fictitious names. Most of them are good friends of mine and amazing personalities. A few of the lines and instances quoted are real, and much more than that, funny as hell! However, this was intended to be as part of my efforts to try and tickle the funny bone. And I would expect and hope the reader to have one. More so, if the reader happens to be one of the above!

P.S : While all my efforts in the last few lines above have been to make some amends, however, I get the distinct feeling, at 1:54 AM in the night that I would be questioned severly by Mr. Koschan Nair tomorrow!

Of Salsa, mad-ads and brainfarts!

Posted on by caniwrite
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Why did they have Salsa and not a Kuchipudi or a Bharatnatyam dance event?

No, contrary to what you might think, Google does not have the answer. Neither does Yahoo! Search, or Bing or Ask Jeeves. But this has to be one of the most insightful questions / thoughts I have came across so far in my XLRI stint.

And where else could it have occurred except during one of our nightly jaunts to Bishu-Da’s “Tea-coffee-nimbu paani-gobi/anda/aalu paratha-general bakar” joint. Yep. You have general bakar as well to consume. That is free of cost, of course. We also call it Consulting, once in a while.  By we, I mean the MBA types – the groggy eyed, laptop carrying, jeans and T-shirt clad “cool dood” who can talk about Indo-China Economic relations with as much ease as he would talk about why girlfriends behave the way they do.

Ever heard the phrase  “Ignorance is bliss” ?

Of course, the same applies to the groggy-eyed-with-mascara (?)and-eye-liner, Jeans and T-shirt clad “cool doodettes” as well. But then when they talk about why boyfriends behave the way they do, well, they are usually right. Yeah! The phrase applies here as well.

Anyways, so we had just returned from the library after a grueling 2 hour session of

  • walking up to the library,
  • doing some arbit fundebaaji with some batch mates,
  • opening laptops and checking for some blog comment updates / Facebook updates,
  • cribbing about the food, assignments and our present conditions,
  • doing some more arbit PJ-cracking,
  • getting all the relevant reading material, and then
  • copying in abstracts as part of an assignment for one of the courses.

Well, I still do not know why we did the last bit, but suffice it to say that they are the “occupational hazards” of doing an MBA. Once we were done with all this, we found ourselves naturally walking over to Bishu-da for a cuppa tea and some more of the above.

And naturally again, there we see some pretty looking ladies and some pretty, good looking, well-dressed guys all gathered around, obviously for some kind of a party. Which is when we realized it was Salsa night for the 2-year MBA crowd. We, the 1-year MBA junta were also invited. But I guess when we have people doing the tango everyday with their wives, a few others nursing broken backs and aching legs, and the rest reeling under the effects of quizzes-assignments-projects induced insomnia, Salsa does not figure too high on the to-do list.

And all I could think for an answer to this question was – Maybe it is a case of “Two to tangle, and one to Tango!”.

However, a little birdie did tell us that some dance enthusiasts from our batch took part in the same Salsa event on an earlier occasion. I know it is sightly unbelievable, but you should have come to GMP’s first party of the academic year – Amnesia. Although a lot of us were doing the Big B/Nakka Mukka/Dhagala lagli version of the Salsa, but the talent was evident.

Speaking of talent, can you imagine of a better event than mad-ads to let out that constipation occurring in that top story of yours’, time and again?I cannot, and I’ve been taking therapy!

If you want to check out an original brain fart, you can enjoy it here. Three of us took part in an Ad event conducted by the MAXI, called LegaliZe.

Do not ask me why they had a ‘Z’ in the name and not a ‘z’. You can come up with a brain fart of yours’ and not let me know.

Anyways, here goes – the first Ad I took part in – creating a surrogate advertisement for “Guns”.

Must say – it stinks, but it was the best feeling ever! I do have Eno, if you need one!

P.S : Credit needs to go where it is due. Also, another way to say – the question was not mine. So, do not kill me. Hence, the P.S is in Bold – Italics! It was asked by one of my good friends who is a batch mate here at XLRI.

The MBA pictionary..

Posted on by caniwrite
2

…and a “picture speaking a thousand words” and all that. Yeah, you’ve heard that phrase somewhere, right?

For all those MBA aspirants, this is reality. Stark. Naked. Stripped down completely. The one where you take the red pill (remember The Matrix?). This is no Wonderland and Alice would be as lost here. All you can do is chat up with Alice and hope your picture looks a shade better. But, by the looks of it so far, I’d be willing to place my expected MBA degree on bet!

Ok, you get the picture – literally and figuratively. And now the thousand words as well.

Ever felt the real power of a “power nap” – where all you do is close your eyes and let the world around you subsume you in a beautiful, warm darkness? Darkness as black as can be, and you just float around – only, you do not know you are floating. Darkness so endearing, it’d be a crime to come out of it. Darkness so seductive, you’d wish to lose control to.  Darkness so romantic, it could almost be poetic.

B-school life has just begun. And I can already see some changes. I talk more. I listen even more. I cannot sleep. I have started seeing things in a different light, which in MBASpeak is termed as “perspective”. But then lack of sleep can also make you do that. “Time management” suddenly takes on a new meaning. More so when every faculty member throws that phrase at you in almost every class! Balance sheets have created a new kind of an imbalance, where your sole purpose in life for those few minutes is to “crunch and match numbers”. For most part, it’s your head in the midst of all that crunching, but when you end up being saved by the best Finance faculty in the country, with the occasional Bengali humor, you feel that you are still alive after the deluge of debit and credit you go under.

You take to words such as “global perspective”, “perception”, “opportunity cost” and “ROI” as easily as a fish would take to water – most of the times, though, they are used anywhere and everywhere. Whenever you want to sound intelligent. Or dumb. Or you just want to use them. As the case maybe.

Night outs with case studies, assignments and intoxicants, once in a while. Frustrated looks during quizzes, and nonchalance after they are over. Tea and parathas at 1 in the night, while discussing business, binomials, branding and babes – in no particular order. Clubs, committees and forums. Glib talk, desi talk, fundebaaji and more!

In short, life is FUBAR. And a lot of fun!

Occasionally, in your private time (the loo, i.e), you see glimpses of your past life when it was much simpler.

If your wife or girlfriend uttered the word marketing, it usually meant shopping, isn’t it? Or at the very least, a walk to the friendly neighborhood, “Bablu Grocary and Genral Itims”. A quick chat about the vegetable prices, Dhoni’s wedding and you get back with the newspaper in your hand – usually as a supplement for Bablu’s snippets!

But now you run graver risks with your newly attained MBA knowledge of what marketing stands for – A cold-eyed stare, and probably no food for having created a mess such as this…

…and all because she asked for a soft drink!!

That’s the MBA pictionary for you. In short.

Was that thousand words?